that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
