and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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