based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
