Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
