he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
