I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
