Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The best revenge is premature balding
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
