May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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