does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
