Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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