i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was confusing and full of hummus
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
