Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
