I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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