so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
