The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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