I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
