One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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