it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
