chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You smell like stripper and shame
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
