tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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