he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
