In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
