It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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