Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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