Fuck appropriateness.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
