Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
