Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
