I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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