No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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