new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
