WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
