we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
