Your dad touched me again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
