i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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