I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
