Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
