There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
