you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
