so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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