I'm going to jail i love you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
