my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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