i think i have herpe
just one?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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