I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
