What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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