Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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