I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
