all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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