Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
