My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
