im six kinds of drunk right now
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
