You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
