She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
