Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
