Do you still have your period?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
