Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
